Look. If the poll saying that 49% of Australians agree with Pauline Hanson about banning Muslims is correct, the main question we have to ask is why they weren’t in charge of the census?  Their response rate is miles better and we’re all keen for the results to influence the future of Australia.

Apparently. Or it’s total horse-shit which is more likely in my view.

And then that stink ball man with a pen that The Australian insists on employing, drew a cartoon depicting our LGBTI community as nazi-esque. If you don’t know why that’s offensive, start reading a paper other than The Daily Telegraph or The Australian, or at the very least review your 20th century history and the people that were victims of the holocaust.

Bigotry in Australia is not new.

First we turned up uninvited and hated on the indigenous population because they were black and didn’t speak English.

Then we hated on the Chinese because they worked really hard at the jobs white Australians didn’t want to and also didn’t speak English, wore their hair long and wore pyjamas.

Then we hated on the Irish because they were all criminals and Catholics and knew all the lyrics to
‘Molly Malone’.

Then we hated on the Germans because they didn’t like the English and we had to go to war.

Then because we had nobody to hate for a few weeks we went back to despising the indigenous and started stealing their children and banning anybody that wasn’t white from coming here.

And then we got to hate the Germans again, and the French and the Russians. Then Japan got into it so we were able to hate the Japanese and anybody Asian just in case they were Japanese.

Then we hated the Italians and Greeks for coming here because we’d bombed the bejeezus out of their country so they turned up here and were prepared to work hard.

We also hated on rock ‘n’ roll for a while too just to mix things up again.

Then we hated the Germans for coming. Then we hated the Japanese for coming because even though the war was over we have long memories here. And we hated anybody that might be communist and we definitely hated on anybody that might be getting above themselves.  So basically black people and women.

And we started hating gay people because they started mentioning they were gay rather than it being the love that dared not speak its name.

And we hated on the Vietnamese because they turned up and wanted to work and not be at war.

 Then we decided to hate on the Lebanese and the Indians and the Pakistanis and the Sudanese and anybody that was coming here and making a go of it.

Then we decided we’d hate Muslims because of 9/11 even though Americans are quite good at killing thousands of themselves each year all by themselves, and then we decided that we’d hate anybody that tried to escape the war and make a better life for themselves. And when hating them didn’t work we just put them in concentration camps to make sure nobody missed that we’re arsehats of the highest order.

Then because we weren’t hating redheads anymore we voted one into the senate and she said we hate Muslims again and if we’re not careful we’re going to have a lesbian Asian Prime Minister.

Tell you what – if Penny Wong stood for PM right now I’d be voting her in quicker than Usain Bolt can run 100 metres.

That’s quick.

The sweet, undeniable fact is – if we let only people under the age of seven vote and make policies, we’d have marriage equality, we’d have a working refugee policy, we’d have our diversity represented in parliament, on television, in magazines. Because children don’t hate anybody. They learn that shit from us.

So here’s a fun game for you to help you focus on all the positives that Muslims, refugees and the LGBTI community contribute to life here down under. Let’s counteract the hate with a little bit of love.

The following Australian politicians, commentators, cricketers, actors, comedians, FIFOs, business owners, naval captains, army captains, digital wunderkinds, judges, social workers and swimmers are either from refugee families, are Muslim or identify as LGBTI.  See if you can work out who is what?

And then remember that you don’t give a shit but at least you’ve got some positive stories to share next time somebody says “What did Muslims/Gays/Refugees ever do for this country?”

  1. Portia Rossi
  2. Benjamin Law
  3. Anh Do
  4. Susan Cartland
  5. Ed Husic
  6. Carmen Marton
  7. Yassmin Abdel-Magied
  8. Bob Brown
  9. Tim Duggan
  10. Max McKenzie
  11. Ruby Rose
  12. Fawad Ahmed
  13. Anthony Mundine
  14. Cory Paterson
  15. John Illhan
  16. Mona Shindy
  17. Karl Kruszelnicki
  18. Les Murray
  19. Madga Szubanski
  20. Frank Lowy
  21. Jordan Raskopoulos
  22. Robert Simms
  23. Waleed Aly
  24. Courtney Barnett
  25. Mariam Veiszadeh
  26. Bachar Houli
  27. Cate McGregor
  28. Heiu Van Lee
  29. Deng Adut
  30. Michael Kirby
  31. Ian Thorpe
  32. Khoder Nasser
  33. Nazeem Hussain
  34. Usman Khawaja
  35. Harry O’Brien
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